Not that again

Not that again - when history repeats itself but doesn't have to

No - not one, but two of them. Dalmations. While most of you may love them, endeared by 101 Dalmations and maybe even encounters with them, I had some formative experiences my vijnanamaya did not forget. Deep inside of me, I'm scarred from the likely amazing, but territorial and pushy pooch: Sundance. Excited, as I began walking around a year old, she'd knock me over.

Yesterday, as I ushered in my birth season, spring, with a hike, my heart rate readily rose. Through the trunks and vines I saw spots. Black on white. Around the cornered, possibly unleashed and out to get my once they spotted me, two dalmations. Leashed. Disinterested. Non-eventful. Took a minute for my Yoga-enhanced heart rate variability to usher me back home into my calmer self, and it got me thinking.

Why does this happen? The traumatic experience of being knocked down by the large, fierce creature with big teeth reactivates as panic. Our behavioral patterns/samskara-s are so strong, we rarely know we have them. And our memory stores them forever, unconsciously and surreptitiously. They may be at rest, until the cause returns: I see a dog and I panic. It’s not the same dog. 50 years later. A different dog. A different place. Especially if life’s experiences reinforce them over time, and they will somehow, we are on the lookout for that stressor. Chronic encounters with the same stressor put us on the, to a degree. For me, I saw a dog bite my brother when he was a baby. My grandparents had a bloodthirsty, nasty German Shepard. And I, myself, could easily have perished in a wild dog attack in Jamaica in my mid 20s.

The leftovers from the original traumatic experience, buried, suddenly explode into ego-identification, fear, aversion, desire, even when we have been engaging with Yoga. The klesa-s are where the work is. We can utilize these encounters as stepping stones to healing. We can undo the grip by creating new set of positive causes. I’m not hanging out in dog parks, that is for sure, but I will walk on trails where there may be dogs, trusting no dog parent is going to have unleashed dogs who are biters. When mental fluctuations are norm for us, our deeper mind serves as a refuge for all that hasn’t processed. The unrefined mind does not process trauma. The refined mind, continually revisiting practice, gives us the safety we need to let go of what traps us in unfavorable impressions and their associated thoughts, feelings and actions.