Reclamaton of yourself
When practice promotes peace in otherwise unpeaceful times
It IS easier said than done, and that's why we need to put in the appropriate time and effort, asap. Talking about Yoga, reading Yoga, studying Yoga, thinking about Yoga...they have negligible impact without daily doing of the practice. The sooner you begin a daily home practice, the sooner you begin āsana, prāṇāyāma, mantra and dhyānam, the sooner you'll find moments of peace where and when you least expect it.
How, in the middle of an eight hour cancer treatment day for my beautiful Mama, treatment number six, am I experiencing some moments of sukham? If you are in our sanga, you know that November my Mom was diagnosed with metastatic disease, a recurrence of her second cancer from 6 ½ years back. This is a total of three in her life, as she also had a different cancer 25 years ago. This winter was so emotionally challenging for us all. She is so strong and enduring more than we can fathom, as we rally to care for her body, mind and soul. Send a prayer for miracles and cure, if you read this.
I’ll tell you how I found myself in an expansive state for a period of time in the middle of the turmoil, smack in the center of a place no one wants to be. Practicing Yoga leaves an imprint that remains, the more you do it. Although it is not permanent, it renders accessible qualities we can magnify at will, sometimes. I am steadfast in ritual, unwavering. Not a day goes by without my practices. Their imprints formulate my compass for my entire life. And when I stray from my path, they remind me of the way.
What good am I in duhkham, as a depressed and frantic wreck, to my self or my family? Or to you? Not saying those parts of me don’t exist in the mix, but they drain me of life. The parts, all of them, are witnessed and held by a deeper sense of self. She loves me and wants me to thrive and knows how imperative Yoga, dietary and lifestyle habits are for my wellbeing. I order my life so the chaos doesn’t take me all the way down, all that often. And when it does, my anchor in practice holds me steady enough to inch my way out, breath by breath. To walk me from duhkham to sukham.
All before leaving at 7am there was prayer and practice and breakfast. With less sleep lately, uppity music to lift my spirits, my energy. Communication with chosen loved ones. Being in a state of mind that was clear to be able to smile and interact with my Mom and Dad from my heart and advocate in the midst of fear of and aversion to cancer centers. Choosing courage over my fear of driving wheelchairs, practicality over aversion to using medical facility bathrooms and forthcomingness over submission in challenging physicians when things are not lining up or making sense.
A decisive break for great cappuccino, and a delicious salted chocolate chip cookie, and driving around to make sure everyone was fed. The Italian nurturer in me loves that, and daughterly duty mode takes over - and it fills me up and feels like the best service possible. And a walk with more uppity music and basking in sunshine. For a few moments, all was well, we were well, life was so beautiful, sukham was there. Savoring moments is a norm that Yoga has gifted to me, minus all the extra I can add to them in default mode. Savoring family, spring life and love.
And instead of writing this while I was there (which I have been), I kept myself occupied with my new habit, mehndi. Practice helped me decide what to do (and not to do) to take care of me while supporting them. And it was an unconventionally great day.